How to Keep a Conversation Going

 

       Awkward silence is the death of any social situation. Learning to keep a conversation going organically is an important skill to learn and can really help you improve your social skills and social life in general.

Conversations doesn’t just come out of nowhere, both parties need to take responsibility to keep conversation going.

       If one person is trying to keep the conversation going alone it’s going to seem very forced. You don’t have to ‘trick’ people into thinking that you’re having a conversation when you’re really running through a script in your head. It’s important not to force yourself into situations which you know will go badly. You need to take things slowly and retrain the lower levels of your brain, so take things one step at a time.

      Keeping a Conversation Going Organically

          Be Interested

If you’re frequently talking to people you’re comfortable talking to or you’re panicking when talking to strangers then you might be in the habit of not really paying attention to what they’re saying and keeping your attention inside your own head. Forget about everything else. Stop worrying people are watching everything you say or do. Get out of your head and pay real, genuine attention to what they’re saying. Listen to what they’re saying and respond to it. All of the “oh! that’s interesting…”, “Hmm, I’ve never heard of that”, “Hmm, cool!”expressions are reactionary bits of conversation that prove to the other person that you’re really listening, and that’s very flattering to them.

       Questions to Keep a Conversation Going

The best way to keep a conversation going is to exchange information and questions. Rather than trying to bring up new topics constantly just keep asking questions. Ask open ended questions and then follow that with follow up questions it will flow a lot better. This is the easiest way to avoid an awkward silence. Ask questions relevant to the topic and you can follow up with your own experiences, if they’re relevant to the topic.

           Topics to Keep a Conversation Going

Focus on things which are going on around you or common interests you both might have. It’s better to stick to the bigger or better known events, and avoid the controversial subjects unless you know how they feel about it before hand.

       Just Say It

So get out of your head and just say it. Some people have a problem having ‘no filter’ and saying whatever comes to their mind which doesn’t work out so well. So let yourself go a bit and blurt it out, you’ll still have the sense to avoid the subjects the people with ‘no filter’ would probably bring up.

        Keep Eye Contact

Keeping eye contact might come easily to some people but if you don’t find it natural then you need to practice it. If two people are talking about something which they’re both interested then it’s normal for them to make eye contact for roughly 30-60% of the conversation. It’s an important part of conversation and the more you do it the more you’ll get used to it. If you’re having a problem with meeting people directly in the eye then focus on the top of their nose between their eyes. It might feel more comfortable for you and they won’t be able to tell the difference.

       Conversation Threading

A good way to think of keeping a conversation going is a technique called conversation threading. Each part of a sentence can be dissected into parts and you can follow that part of the thread to keep a conversation going. If they’re engaging in the conversation as well they’ll ask questions and you should answer them without just rushing to another question. It’s a conversation, not an interview.

       Practice

The more you have people to talk to the easier you’ll learn. Learning how to keep a conversation going is possible from home so practice a bit and slowly ease yourself into tougher situations. Family is also a good fall back and once you’re feeling more comfortable with your conversation skills it’s easier to move from there. Talk to people around you, talk to people online, talk to people standing next to you in line. Just talk to anyone you can, the more you talk to people the more natural it will become.

       When to End a Conversation

The problem then is going to be learning how to end a conversation. Every conversation must end at some point. If a conversation is becoming one sided and the other person is obviously not making an effort with you then it might not be worth keeping a conversation going. Look for the signs of the other person wanting to end it. Looking for the time or slowly taking a step or two away are the obvious ones.

         Ending a Conversation

Strive to end every conversation positively. Politely let them go, you’ll leave the opportunity for another conversation in the future – keep them and they might want to avoid a repetition. If a conversation is going well then try to get into the habit of ending it with a follow up. Asking to exchange contact details or continue the conversation and meet up another day might seem pretty intimidating at first. But as your confidence grows it’s something which can certainly improve your social life pretty quickly.

     The key thing to remember in learning how to keep a conversation going is practice. Nothing will help you improve your conversation skills other than talking to people.